Marriage is the most painful decision
which one takes with a happy heart. That’s what I feel after observing the screwed
up faces of post-marital couples and the all excited and euphoric smiles of
pre-marital beau and blonde. If we talk about India and Indian cultural
heritage, the institution of marriage is primordial, having its roots in the Vedic time. Then gradually time changed, people changed and so changed the norms
and modes of marriage. We see in Ramayana, bride exclusively has the right to
choose her groom. We see in Mahabharta, a bride is shared by five husbands. And in this way, standards of marriage keep on transforming.
Let’s
focus now on what we see in the contemporary time. A girl has no say in the
decision of her parents, and if she fortunately has, as least in urban educated
families, she herself is too vulnerable in deciding for her marriage. Similar is the
dilemma of the boy – whether to opt for a traditional arranged marriage or to
search his worthy wife himself. It is the general view that marriage is equal
to suicide, where one has to sacrifice one’s privacy and personal freedom. That
seems quite true if we look at today’s married couples and their irritating
life pattern. But around us few such couples also exist who take marriage as a mode
of resurrection. Who are they – offshoots of love marriage or arranged
marriage? But this category is not confined to either of the two possible modes.
They belong to the third approach – arranged love marriage.
Marriage is not a secular or private
duty. In fact, it is a sacred bond and a social function to magnify two souls
along with faithfully carrying the reproductive process through physical consummation.
If family and society has the criteria of caste and class to decide a possible
wedding, similarly youth is rigidly obsessed with the standard of chastity and
virginity. Nobody is concerned about the understanding that the ‘soon to be married’
couple share or not. Height is measured, horoscopes are intensely studied and material
prosperity is exchanged, but no one feels to measure the compatibility level. And
here lies the issue that later on eats up the conjugal intimacy, bereft of
enough survivable emotional and psychological bonding.
Now a day, being emotional in love
has become a matter of ridicule. People mock at it, considering it impractical
and pure time wastage. But when these practical people get married to other
practical persons, then this practicality renders their married life swamp with frustration,
irritation and sometimes even contributes in turning their marriage a fiasco.
Every relationship needs an emotional bonding, a sense of commitment. We cannot
escape the responsibility on the excuse of being practical. Hence, let’s
fall in love, let’s struggle to search our Mr/Miss Right and let’s convince our families
to arrange our love marriage. Later on, when you would find yourself in the embrace of your
soul mate, at every critical moment of life, each time you would thank the
moment of your marriage and that moment would prove to be the moment of your
resurrection. Thus, marriage is suicide for those who commit it and mode of
resurrection for those who live it with emotional intimacy.
Mr. Rishi, I appreciate the way you have expressed your views. While reading this page, I felt as if I was reading a page of a novel written by some veteran writer. Anyways, I agree with everything that you have written about marriage except one thing where you have said that we have to search for our soul mates ourselves. A long-lasting marriage depends on the individuals who are bonded in the relationship and not on the type of marriage. I do not think there have been as many successful love marriages as arranged marriages. Of course I am not supporting only arranged marriages neither am I speaking against love marriages here. Be it a love marriage or an arranged one,what's more important is that both the partners realize the true value of marriage and try their best for its sustainability till the end.
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