My 25th Valentine’s Day

I am celebrating silver jubilee of my life on this Valentine, though the mode of celebration is different. I celebrate it by pondering over the moments I once had in my life. Life would have been more sweet and pleasant if I have the fruit of love still in my lap. But where is the time? Where is the time for girls to have a look on an average guy while so many hunks are already chasing them?  Sometimes I wonder why each boy wants his girlfriend to be a katerina kaif and every girl her boyfriend a Salman Khan? Can’t we love one for what he/she is? We fight over corruption in politics, impurity in vegetable oil and uncertainty in our life. But do we respect and care for honesty in behaviour, originality in one’s feelings and certainty in love? For me, unfortunately, the answer is ‘No’. What does it suggest? Perhaps we have a corrupt heart, an impure soul and an uncertain attitude. And the worse thing is we are not aware of it. But I am fortunate enough in this matter because SHE came in my life, what if for a short duration, and rubbed off my conscience.

If you have been in relationship with six or seven girls/boys (pay your attention to the repetition of ‘S’ sound here), it’s not any achievement. Rather it shows how much you lack consistency and loyalty. Love is not a game like Cricket where your century would be appreciated, mind it. It’s a deep passage to get refined just like falling into a pit to grow like a lotus. That’s why we fall in love to rise later. Many of you would not agree, I know. If there are varieties to be tasted and options to be opted, why we shouldn’t try them, they say. To answer this query, let me tell you a story. In fact, it’s not a story but an incident occurred recently to one of my friends, Mohit.

This incident happens at a pilgrimage to Goverdhan, a sacred place related to the most romantic and loving couple, Radha-Krishna, near Mathura, Utterpradesh. It is believed that fulfilment of our diehard wishes can be achieved by taking a round (Parikarma, as it is said in Hindi) of Goverdhan Parvat, with complete faith and integrity, marching with naked feet. It is almost 22 Kilometres long round to cover. I have visited this place several times in this short span of my life. But on my latest visit, there happens a unique episode that stimulates my faith in true love and its loyalty.

I have just started the revered ‘Parikarma’ of Goverdhan Parvat when a family – consisting of an old lady, her son and daughter – joins me. The lady is of almost 55 years old and she is in a yellow sari. Her son is in his 20’s and daughter should be 16. Soon we become familiar as it is obvious there. The lady tells me that they are on their first visit to this place. Out of curiosity I ask her if there is any strong reason for their visit. Her face immediately becomes pale. With her sad face she exchanges a glance with her son and relieves a sigh. She informs that their life is terrible due to her son’s miserable condition. I instantly look at the guy; he is six feet tall and seems to be quite healthy. What’s wrong with him? He is absolutely normal, I wonder. She looks at me and reveals that he sees a girl in his dreams but cannot identify her. And then he remains disturbed for the entire day. Due to this, he is at the verge of losing his job. They are very scared if she is a spirit or something. That’s why they are here in Lord Krishna’s holy land. His mother has heard that the soil of this place has something magical about it if it can cure her son’s problem.

I feel fascinated and become eager to know more and more about her son’s life. When I ask her to tell the details of his dream so that I may help them, she passes a sign to her son. And then he unfolds his past life before me.

His name is Mohit. He works as a technical officer in a call centre at DLF Phase IV in Gurgaon.

‘How many friends you have there,’ I ask. He counts in his mind and replies, ‘three or four.’

‘So few? Don’t you feel compatible there?’ I inquire and look at his face. He starts fumbling for words. I think he is feeling hesitate in his mother and sister’s presence. So I ask him to walk fast so that we can maintain a distance from them.

Now we are almost 30 feet ahead of his family. I look back at his mother and she smiles as if she is saying ‘carry on.’ Then we come back to the topic.

‘You are a well built guy, you must have been in some relationship,’ I comment.

‘No, not up to now,’ he replies reluctantly.

‘Don’t feel shy, you can tell me. This is common now.’

‘Truly, I never have a girl in my life in that sense.’

‘It sounds strange. What about your other male colleagues? Don’t they have girlfriends?’

‘No . . . I mean almost everyone has, even two or three at a time.’

‘So what’s wrong with you?’

‘Nothing, I just don’t feel like that.’

‘Okay, who is your best friend there?’

‘Kapil, his name is Kapil.’

‘How many GFs he has?’

‘He has three: Dipti, Reema and Neha.’ Mohit pronounces ‘Neha’ with an added emphasis.

‘How is Neha?’

‘She is receptionist there, very beautiful and charming. I personally like her smile.’ I notice that this is the first time when Mohit himself furnishes details about someone, that too willingly, without waiting for my next question. There can be something more about Neha, I think, and ask him to describe her.

‘Neha? She is gorgeous. Just like an angel.’

‘So, if you like her so much, haven’t you tried to be her friend?’

‘No . . . I mean she doesn’t like reserved persons like me.’

‘Okay, how is her relationship with kapil?’

‘She is damn serious about him. But he is a big flirt. Actually, he likes Aditi. But Reema spends money on him so he is intimate with her too. For him, Neha is just a time pass.’

‘Haven’t you attempted to make him understand?’

‘I try sometimes but he thinks I am jealous of him.’

‘And what about Neha? Have you ever talked to her regarding this?’

‘Once, but she took me wrong and said that I abuse my friend because I want to claim his place in her life.’

‘Oh, so you are slapped from both sides,’ I comment. ‘What do you exactly see in your dream?’ I think a diversion is needed then.

‘I see a girl who has turned her face and is crying. It’s a crowded place full of noises. All passersby stare at me in a strange manner but my eyes are just fixed on her. There is something in her hands, I cannot identify, and that she is holding near her bosom. But as I approach her, she throws that object at me and walks away. When she throws that item at me, a loud shriek comes out from my mouth and with it I wake up. That’s why, now a days, my mother sleeps near me.’

‘Do you see only this version each time or there happens to be some variation?’

‘There is a shadowy figure too at a distance towards which she walks away after turning her back at me. But only sometimes I can feel him there, not always.’

First I convince him that it’s neither a big problem nor a disease to fear for. This dream is just a manifestation of your unfulfilled wishes. It’s quite possible that what she throws at you is your heart, and the guy to whom she goes is you friend and that crowd and noises are of you call enter.

Now he seems more panicky than before. Then I feel it’s the right time to reveal another possible dimension of his dream.

‘You may likely see your friend in your own image and the thing can be his heart that she throws back. She cries because she is probably filled with regret for loving a disloyal person. And the shadowy image towards which she moves may be you, since you are a mere shadow, an unacknowledged presence, up to now.’

As he listens to my words, his expressions change radically. Perhaps he is blushing from within. He meditates a little and then asks, ‘Can this be the meaning of my dream?’

‘Of course, it can be and the authentic one in my view,’ I say firmly. He is looking somewhat relieved after listening this. The ‘Parikarma’ is finished at 2:20 am. After that we return back to ‘dharmshala’ both sleepy and fatigued. He does not ask or reveal anything else in the way back.

I wake up at 9:50 in the morning. Mohit is lying beside me, hands folded on the chest. There is a light smile on his face. I shake him and he opens his eyes. ‘Have you seen that dream during last night too?’ I ask him, looking curiously into his eyes. There is calmness and peace on his face when he says ‘no’.

Later when I join his mother and sister for breakfast, his mother says that there is certainly a magic in this soil that has cured her son. Mohit too is looking refreshed and relieved as if a heavy stone has been removed from his chest.

I receive a call from him on 6 jan. 2012. He is very excited. He tells me that now he is no longer in that depressed situation. Kapil’s reality has been exposed to Neha. She has caught him red handed in a discotheque with Aditi on the eve of New Year. She is very depressed after that. But yesterday she asks Mohit personally why he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He simply replies that he loves her and that’s why he can’t accept anyone else till now. She looks at him aggressively and then leaves.

‘Today, first time in my life, I receive a call from a girl and it is Neha. She feels sorry for her yesterday’s rude behaviour and reveals that she too likes me. But Kapil used to paint a negative picture of mine before her. So she has never taken any interest in me. But now she says she likes me.’ Mohit tells me and seems very happy and excited.

Author’s note:

For me, this valentine is very special. What if I don’t have someone to love me, to love in its harmonized sense, at least I could become a medium of streaming love in the life of someone like me.  I love the concept of love and the people who firmly believe in it, so that there would not remain a single lovelorn self. In fact to make somebody deserving in his own eyes is the true function of love. I did it unselfishly. Now it’s your turn. Have you made this valentine special for you?